Alone, as it was.. as it always will be..

Why do I secretly post in this blog and secretly want others to secretly find this blog?

Anyways..

Days passed by after that alleged "Breakup" with her boyfriend. She's being strong, and I.. Being puzzled.

She isn't that bubbly anymore.. I can understand that, after going through all those things.. This random tantrums, I can deal with that, but ignoring me? Because I fell asleep? It's really shameful of what I did, true. Guys should be the one waiting on the girl and whatnot, so sleeping while conversing with her is probably a bad thing on my part.

I've done this in the past, she just smiles and says "It's alright", but now, she just completely ignores me. after saying it's fine (which is I know not because of her ignoring me)


"Our Lives are made, In these small hours"

A day before..

I have my problems too.. what about me? this was the day my aunt took away her piano, she has a hoarding-like-greed towards her items, She took it away, said that she uses it every now and then, uses it? Spiders have a nest there when I first picked that piano keyboard up!

I poured my anger to my pillow, punching it helplessly like it's the one responsible for the hatred and betrayal that I'm feeling, then it came to me, "I should text her.. She always calms me down".

Then there it was.. My phone.. Silent.. Not ringing.. Not a single reply from her.




HonCloSpec1 [Justdubs.net]

Rewrite | Myspace Video
"You filled everyone's hearts with a warm kindness
everyone ran to you when they felt lonely
but i wonder where you go who hold you when you're going through a rough time?"
I don't mean to brag, and I'm far-fetched from being lohmeyer, but I let others come to me when they have problems, I always do my best to cheer them up, even my friend that's claimed "unbearable" by others, I always cheer them up, I make them feel special.. But how.. How about me.. Where do I go? Where do I ran to when I'm going through a rough time?

I thought I would be happier..

I went crazy and told someone that I like her.

It's not that I'm crazy, it's just that she's too precious, too precious for me to let the opportunity pass..

Well, she is, she's a keeper, her boyfriend also thinks so too.

Recent events unfold right in front of my eyes, the fighting, the heartaches, the misunderstanding, the tears, but not between me and her, but between them, two lovers both competing on who loves who the most, the competition was fierce, peoples getting involved, daily lives were being affected, until she can't take no more, she bucked up and ended it once and for all.

Her boyfriend says that he loved her more, but he cared less for her, that he cared more for her past lover that cheated and betrayed him. To think, the guy that you gave your heart and soul, your life, ultimately your existence, revolves around him, and after all of that, you're being told that you're not worth more than a cheating backstabbing liar.

I am not the one to talk, these are just my opinion.


"Sweep you off your feet girl, your perfect little feet girl"



I thought I would be happier.. she's free.. I can make her my world now.. I was WRONG.

I told myself that I would wait, wait for them to cut off their bonds, the ribbon that ties them together, I told myself that he didn't deserve a woman like her, I told myself that she would be happier with me. I told myself that I'll court her after breaking up with his lover. but now, I can't even talk to myself anymore.

I.. Again.. Am CRAZY..

Thinking things for others? WHO AM I to say that he didn't deserve her? WHO AM I to say that she'll be happier with me? WHO AM I to be the solution to the sadness that she's going though?

But I really saw something in her, that unexplained feeling that I got when she stepped into the room, the first time I saw her, I told myself that I like her, I talked and talked to her, and told myself that I love her, I got to know her better, and told myself that I need her.

Apparently, she's the one who won. she's the one weeping, crying alone every night, and here I am, helpless, it's like reality's saying "LOOK, THAT'S WHAT YOU WANTED RIGHT?"


"These days aren't easy anymore.."