I friggin hate myself

"Maybe its just me..."


I dont want to go through all details, illjust reinact it by telling a made up story :D

"There I was on the gates of the portal, I came too early than I have expected, it was about an hour before the portal opens, there, I saw my guild mate, she was waiting for a friend of mine to drop by, she was going to borrow a spell converter, she has an upcoming test in her class, she bid me farewell after 20 minutes or so, I was frustrated, I know my guildmates will come at the portal at exact time, so I still have 40 minutes to kill, then I nod my head down, trying to close my eyes and hopefully doze off for a couple of minutes, then, all of a sudden, I heard footsteps coming up the stairway, before I look up on who that was, I told myself that she would be the last one that I expected, and there she was, I stand corrected, she had her band on, with a long, straight hair, having that innocent look in her eyes, I was stunned, then, It came to me, 'this is a good time to finally talk to her' then after a minute I found myself downstars, drinking OJ's, I went pass her on purpose, thats how shy I am, after I finished my OJ, I went back up the portal docks to look for her, a guildmate of mine was there too, he just came in, I looked up and saw that i'ts almost time for the portal to open up, I knew where she was on the portal docks, I just dont want to look, then we went in the portal, the moment gone, the time, irreversable, the future, unpredictable,"

(//.T) I friggin hate myself, I let that opportunity passed by, and the only one to suffer is ME...

Walk with caution

"why do you do this to me..
why do you do this so.. easily.."



The curse is yet again intoxicating me, a surprised attack was the least that i've expected, thought she caught me off guard, she stand corrected.

My fragile heart was surprised that the one who made it fragile came back for more, i dont know how, i dont know why, my strategy is falling apart.

A good chat with her made a shook to my plans, plans on forgetting her, but from the cuts that was left by the experiences,


"I maybe sad
but im not weak"


Surprisingly, its not that big of a deal for me now, but still


"But somehow your words, the way that I heard are haunting me
You're under my skin, you?re BREAKING IN"


Lets just see where this goes. im too fragile to open up again, one more time and I'll shatter :X

She's still cute

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
Thank god the emotions fading away, but even if I try ro ignore her, one glimpse at her and im back where I starter,

I dont know if she's looking at me, or im being dillusional
but for now



"feel the beat now, if you got nothing left
I dont wanna be in love, I dont wanna be in love"

You are a drug

The process of forgetting her is really going great, but when I was browsing through youtube, I came across a new song from secondhand serenade,

My sleeping emotions got triggered again, hmm, Ill try to fade it out after two or three days







"you are a drug, I cannot quit you
you are a drug, Im still lonely with you"



I really must stop this madness :(

You Rock My World.... into Oblivion

Songs really hypen up an emotion when a song is written for that kind of situation, for example, the songs that was created by the band you can see above





(I went all the trouble of doing this arrow sign, man I really love that band, I hope you dont let my efforts be in vain)

The song he (vesley) has written was inspired by his ex-wife/ex-girlfriend (as usual, short on the research part, man I really got to get a net at my house) on what their situation was or today, which can many relate to, because those situations are mostly common to what's happening between a couple, whether good or bad, better OR worse.

Those songs really made me realize on what im feeling right now, though not directly stated, I was rejected, I cant get all the details myself, but she's ditching me, She could've told me straight if she hates me and stuff, not like this, those things are effin with my thoughts, my feelings, Its driving me crazy, im going mad, the sad part is, Im on my own.

Hope this things never happen to you guys, for those shy guys out there, please dont be, you wont get peace with you and your toughts if you let an opportunity pass by.

for me


"I swore to myself im content with loneliness,
cause none of it was ever worth the risk"


for now, I just wanna sit back, relax, eff - off my thoughts of love, chill with my friends, while im at it, ill be waiting, waiting for the one who "will let me in"