You are a drug

The process of forgetting her is really going great, but when I was browsing through youtube, I came across a new song from secondhand serenade,

My sleeping emotions got triggered again, hmm, Ill try to fade it out after two or three days







"you are a drug, I cannot quit you
you are a drug, Im still lonely with you"



I really must stop this madness :(

You Rock My World.... into Oblivion

Songs really hypen up an emotion when a song is written for that kind of situation, for example, the songs that was created by the band you can see above





(I went all the trouble of doing this arrow sign, man I really love that band, I hope you dont let my efforts be in vain)

The song he (vesley) has written was inspired by his ex-wife/ex-girlfriend (as usual, short on the research part, man I really got to get a net at my house) on what their situation was or today, which can many relate to, because those situations are mostly common to what's happening between a couple, whether good or bad, better OR worse.

Those songs really made me realize on what im feeling right now, though not directly stated, I was rejected, I cant get all the details myself, but she's ditching me, She could've told me straight if she hates me and stuff, not like this, those things are effin with my thoughts, my feelings, Its driving me crazy, im going mad, the sad part is, Im on my own.

Hope this things never happen to you guys, for those shy guys out there, please dont be, you wont get peace with you and your toughts if you let an opportunity pass by.

for me


"I swore to myself im content with loneliness,
cause none of it was ever worth the risk"


for now, I just wanna sit back, relax, eff - off my thoughts of love, chill with my friends, while im at it, ill be waiting, waiting for the one who "will let me in"

The Verge of Destruction

The end is getting near, not for the earth, but for me, and this strange feeling i've felt for the past months, its like im losing a war that was never fought, and my enemy winning by a huge difference but never knew she was in a war in the first place.

For those past months, i've been a stalker, well, maybe thats not the right word for it, And for the no-communication part, I went berserk, and at the same time frustrated, I need to know the real reason for the breakoff, so I consulted a friend of mine about the situation at hand, she said "she's ditching you bro, she could've ditched you in a nice way if you asked me". you may wonder what's this all about, let's just put it this way, once we were talking, and now I think she doesnt know I exist.

Good thing I have this vacation, to relax my body and my mind, the best part here is the "Not-Seeing-Her" part, so I can't be frustrated about what happened, thus, I concluded to myself, "Let go, dont continue this madness anymore", and so it is, I went to my friend's house to take of my mind on whats needed to be forgotten,

Me and my friend has a lot in common in the loving part, she got rejected 12 times, and im shy, so, i've let 3 opportunity pass by, well, as you can see, the numbers are of far difference, but for him, 1 or 2 of those girls accepted him into their hearts, the bummer part is they were seperated by distance, nothing he can do about, then we're doing a hobby together, luckily, he really helped out on the forgetting part.

"How can I forget her when every paragraph above mentioned her?"

The Cold

Its too cold, too cold for me to sleep, too cold for me to move, too cold for me to cry.

Rain is getting more and more as the days pass by, as for the scar she left me bleeds, no one can patch up the wound, it hurts too much, why do I have to be like this..

Loving someone from afar is not that fun, why do I have to be shy, when you adore someone from a distance, you appreciate every bit of communication or every bit of time she spent including you, even if that time is'nt directly for you, you still cherish that time.. that split second moment.. where you think that the world just stopped for the two of you.. the drawback to this is, she doesnt know about this, at all.

Im being dillusional, thinking that "quote" means something, but when there is'nt any feeling at all, a quote is just a word combined together to form a heart-touching LIE, This is where my heart feeds from his needs of the so-called LOVE, but now, my heart is dying of this hunger, eating crumbs like that, little did I know that those crumbs were like junkfoods, junkfoods that give you that jumpy feeling, but for only a moment,

I want to cut myself, but for what? im not that insane, but if you think about it, what will happen if I cut myself? will that cut help me get near her? will that cut tell her what's happening? no, that cut will only stack up to the unexplainable dying feeling thats been inside.

I've been living in a lie from the start, and I knew about it..

the worst part is..

I KEPT ON MOVING FORWARD :(

Im confused

My head is aching, aching tired of thinking, thinking of her, the question is, why do I even bother, she barely know that I exist, yet I go thinking that maybe she has this feeling too? what a sick joke, I think something's wrong with me, or maybe because this is how its suppose to feel? this is how I should react, or maybe this is the real thing... and maybe this is the first time.

I figured out how to end this once and for all. (No not suicide, but im working on that, Joke :D), why dont I just walk up to her, say what I feel, and wait for her response, or maybe there's a fly that flew in my face, and by accident, I slapped my head point blank that shook my brain into thinking this, of course NOT! but oh how I wish thats how its simple.

But then again, what can be holding me back from telling her what I feel? I keep telling myself that I shouldnt have a girlfriend until im worthit, until I graduate, until land a job, until I get a stable career, until I repay my parents, Thats got to be it.... is it?.... :c

while thinking about that "Untill then, Untill now," thing, I came across something..

back then when I was a child, I was addicted to video games, I keep playing the same game untill I get better at it, back then I never failed a subject, never repeated a grade, though my marks arent that of a "to-be-proud" of, I never failed. I got a failing grade, but I made it up to the finals.

After all thats said and done. To summarize on what Im emphasizing at. ill tell it strait to my face, "arent I just afraid of being rejected?, arent I just afraid of rejection?"

(//.-)

Why Is forbidden things feel so good?

Jealousy..

Is when you despise someone for having a centain thing that isnt within your grasp.

Love..

Is what you feel towards a special person, and sometimes, for somewhat unexplainable reason.

Jealousy..

Is when you desire to recreate or if possible steal the thing you're jealous about.

Love..

Is shared by two person feeling a strange but delightful feeling towards others.

Can it be jealousy?
There's no relation.. thus no love..
So am I jealous?
But there's nothing to be jealous about?

Things are starting to run in and out of my mind since I started thinking of her.
I've felt this way before, I've felt it many times actually, All in the last minute, Because when I feel this feeling, Next day you'll know is they have a boyfriend, they'll be moving out, I cant see them again because its graduation, things like that..

(But now..)

All this is because of my cowardness, my shyness, not having the courage..

(Now, Maybe now..)

But is this the right thing?

(Yes, Now.. Now will definitely..)

No, its not, its not the time, I still have things to do, things to prove, I still have to make them happy

(But am I happy? I want her.. I want her bad..)

But do I have a choice?..

(Do I?..)

The Thing About Being Single (DarkSide)

To others, Being Single is Okay, flirting with others and that, I hate to say it but I have that virtue as well, but late at night, when I stare point blank at the ceiling, it hit me, and made me wonder what if...

What if I have someone with in this empty bed of mine?, someone to stare with me on that ceiling up above, looking with me, no questions asked..

what if I have someone to hold at this cold night?, to drive away that cold night, with her warm hug, and a kiss that can melt my heart into unconsciousness, waking up with her in my arms..

what if I stopped thinking about this? what if I shut my mind up and go to sleep? and in the morning, tell that girl thats been on my mind about how I feel?.

"Oh Sure Easy for you to WRITE, why dont you do it?"(hey who said that??).

But whoever that was, hes right, why dont I just do what I just wrote? why bother myself thinking about this things? well, thats because of my lack of strenght, in short "SHY" Im not proud to say that im one of those person, but maybe.. maybe im not shy, maybe I just dont want to hurt others, maybe I just dont want to get hurt, maybe im just waiting for the right one, or maybe im just making all these excuse up.. (//_T).

__Am I just thinking of her To forget about her?